Summer parenting!

YIKES

It sucks, sorry it does.  At ten years old they don't really care about spending time with me.  They don't want to do any of the fun summer things that we used to do.  They want to play with friends, and NOT do chores.  That is it!  So if they are not playing, they are fighting, and if they aren't fighting they are trashing my house.

Everyday I am amazed how I can have two boys born at the exact same time, raised the exact same way and have them be so different.  I know that we are all individuals.  I know I am nothing like my brothers and Erik is nothing like his.  But, you would think that I have taught them the same work ethic(or not), the same level of respect to others( or not), and how to be obedient(or not).  So, how is it that I can have one that is a hard worker, very respectful, and completely obedient; then have another that I have to fight on everything.  I am at a loss.............

I have never REALLY had to put my kids in timeout, typically a stern look will get them to behave appropriately.  But, at nearly 11 years old I am throwing one on the bathroom floor into timeout.  I believe I would spank him if he didn't act like he liked it so much(I am a little concerned with that).

I am nervous and worried about the future years and how much I am going to screw up my kids.  It is stressing me out.  Do we give them too much, do we not discipline enough, do we not spend enough time together as a family,  is there too much t.v. watching, too much video games,  too much junk food, not enough vegetables,  are their friends good influence, have we taught them to serve others, have we taught them to love others more than themselves, are we teaching them to work for what they want, teaching them to try, teaching them to fail...........................ah to fail.  So hard to teach your kids to fail in a society where every child gets a trophy!

I know it has always been hard to be a parent, I am not saying it is any harder now than it was 30, 50, or 100 years ago.  But, I wasn't a parent 100 years ago.  I hate knowing that it is me that is going to screw them up.  I hate falling asleep every night saying to myself, "well, that was another sucky day; I should've done this instead of that.  I should've said this instead of that."  I HATE REGRET, and I have had a lot of it lately.

All of what I have just said but worse plays over and over in my head.  But then, after a night of teaching and me playing softball;  another regret, I should have stayed home with the kids and the husband.  So, after 2 hours of selfish time; I started driving home with Carter in the car.  Driving down Main in Bountiful, we got just past 9th north when I saw a tiny little boy on his scooter waiting to cross the street.  I couldn't believe my eyes, he was probably 3 years old.  I drove by, and just as I looked in my rear view mirror he went to step out into traffic to cross.  I slammed my truck into reverse, parked, got out and ran.   Me stopping traffic,  approaching the little boy in the middle of busy Main.  As the two of us started walking back to his house, he crashes on his scooter.  I scoop him up and we keep walking, one full city block; he, at three years old was over a block from his home and crossing a VERY busy street.  I am holding him as we approach his home and I am looking at him.  His knees have old scars, old scabs, and fresh blood.  He has a filthy face, filthy hair, and disgusting clothes.  I can't help but wonder if his mother has even looked at him today.  We approached the home; the door was open, items littered the floor.  It was disgusting, unlivable in my opinion.  As I poked my head in yelling, "hello, I found this little guy down crossing Main".  I saw the parents sitting on the couch watching t.v.  WOW,  the dad was embarrassed and couldn't believe he had gone so far.  I left not saying much and started walking toward my truck.


I am sure they love their child as much as I do mine, I am sure they are providing the best they can.  I know that not everyone keeps their home clean and makes it a priority.  As I am putting my kids to bed that night.  Massaging each of them for 10 minutes because that is their reward if they are in bed before 10 without being asked.  I couldn't help but think, maybe I am doing ok.  As much as they drive me nuts, as much yelling and fighting that goes on.  As frustrated as I get.  As un-loved and un-needed as I feel as a wife and a mother.  At least my three boys know that I love them.  They all know that I am here when they need me, and that I will do anything for them.

So, I will keep plugging away.  One day at a time.  Treading water and trying to keep from drowning in this crazy life that we are living.  I am sure it will get harder before it gets easier, and I probably will fail at a lot of things.  But, as long as I am trying that is all that I can do!