What I felt in Napa without the kids is so hard to describe; from the moment we approached the airport our relationship changed into something it hasn't been in a long time. Don't get me wrong Erik and I love each other and show that love, but we have responsibilities and those responsibilities change how we can respond to each other. Walking to the terminal there was an increased love or spark between us; we could be more playful with each other; we could flirt!
Throughout the whole trip, the car ride to Napa, moving into the hotel, taking tours of amazing estates, eating at restaurants; I loved every minute of it. I didn't have to entertain anyone, or break up any fights. I only had to order for myself, dress myself, teach myself. But, there was still this void; I found myself looking over to Erik saying, " the boys would love this" or "could you imagine what the boys would think" and "look at the size of that cookie, they would be in heaven".
Is it 10 years of habit? Is it because we have never left them? No, it is because we love being with them. As much as they can drive us crazy we love spending our time, all of our time with them. I can't think of anyone that we would rather be with. Friends call, people invite us places; restaurants, movies, vacations, events. We always ask "with kids?" If they say no, we decline.
We love the time that we had away from them, I think we should do it more often. But WE decided to have kids, Erik and I made that decision. We need to be responsible for them always and forever. Yes, breaks are needed and everyone might feel they need to get away, but when we made the choice to have kids, we made the choice to raise them. With that choice we give up late nights, girls nights, guys nights, weekends away, sometimes gym time, and even the celebration of anniversary's with out kids; really, why celebrate without them, don't they make your marriage what it is?
I watch and listen to friends that will take any excuse that they can find to get away, sometimes they have no excuse. I see them leave their kids with neighbors that they barely know, they leave them with older siblings that really shouldn't be left alone with that kind of responsibility. They take advantage of their parents who should be enjoying retirement. I can't help but think that if my parents left me all the time for something other than business trips, if they were always looking for an excuse to get away; I would have been hurt, even at a young age I would have wondered why my mom always wants to get away.
They are already growing up faster than I would like, and one day they will move out. Hopefully if we time things right Erik can retire around that same time. When this time comes, and it will come, we will have all the time in the world. I am willing to bet that we will miss them; that we will call them and ask them to come join us for dinner, for movies, for a weekend get a way. As much as they drive us nuts, we love and cherish every moment we can get with them.
I loved Napa, every minute that I had alone with Erik I will never forget. But I love being a mom and a housewife, it's what I do, it's who I am. I love my children. I am going to find every excuse that I can to spend more time with them. They are 10 years old, I know the journey of a mother never ends but it won't be long before they are going to be out of the house. I want every second that I can have with them. There is no good excuse for finding time to spend away from your family. There are only good excuses for finding time to spend with them. I will take any excuse I can find!
