I hate hugging, even as a little girl I hated hugging. I did not grow up in a touchy feely family, we did not grow up hugging each other every time we greeted each other, we didn't even hug when one of us would leave for an extended amount of time.
We didn't hug, I don't like hugging. When I started dating Erik I remember the first time I went to his home, we weren't even seriously dating; just dating. When we arrived I saw what was happening; everyone was lining up for their hugs. I on the other hand backed away, I got this nervous/nauseous ache in my gut as I watched them make their way to me. I took another step back, my hands started to sweat; I was way out of my comfort zone. I got out of the hug! As we departed from that visit the hugging circle happened again; I avoided it again.
The first time Erik and I visited as a married couple I remember being so nervous as we arrived that I was getting a headache. We got out of the car, I TRIED to avoid the hug. Erik noticed me stepping back, he whispered in my ear, " this is my family, we are huggers; you will hug all of them." OUCH. So one by one I hugged, I hated it. So much so that I remember crying that night. My feelings toward hugging have nothing to do with my feelings towards Eriks family; I just don't enjoy hugging.
I still don't hug my own dad who I love more than life itself. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times I have hugged him and told him face to face that I love him. This isn't weird or odd, it's not rude; he knows I love him. We just don't show our love like that. I hug my mom a little more than my dad, but not a lot. We are not huggers!!
Now, fast forward 14 years. Enter family reunion, Tipton's are pulling up and getting out of their cars. My stomach knots a little. Not as bad as it used to, but bad enough that I try to avoid the first hug session. I never get away with it! Regardless of my feelings I am forced into yet another hug session. If I don't participate in this hugging experience I get scowled at and Erik is asked later what is wrong with me. If I don't hug at this first greeting, Erik and I start to fight. We only fight once a year; this is when we usually start. So, I hug; but it is never right. I keep my body too far away, or I pat my hands too much, I let go too quickly, or I miss someone. Even though I have stepped far out of my comfort zone. Even though I hate that I am being forced to do something that I am highly uncomfortable with; I do it. I do however usually manage to get out of the good bye hugs, I just sneak away early; phew!
I have been doing it for 14 years. My family knows that I don't hug, my friends know that my comfort zone is two arms lengths from my body, even strangers at the gym have figured this out; they all respect it too. But, for my husband because I love him; I hug his family. I even try to smile while I do it. Although the hugging is never good enough, and I almost always get in trouble for somehow doing it wrong. I still try, I put forth the effort. Instead of taking a step back, I take a step forward; and I hug. Maybe one day I will like it..................nah, probably not; but for him I will continue to be uncomfortable!
