Thanksgiving

I am thankful for my husband; who provides for me financially,emotionally, and physically. With out him I would not be me.

I am thankful for my boys, for the constant reality check that they provide. For the difference in their personalities; they keep me on my toes.

I am thankful for my family who I don't see enough, but really probably see too much!
My mother for raising me and spoiling me(when I was young, not so much now). My father for raising me and always keeping a level head(except the one time I swore at you and you chest bumped me across the bathroom). My 3 brothers for being who they are, each of them as individual as my twins.

I am thankful for my home even though I have to clean it, my health even though I bust my ass for it, 

my happiness even though I struggle daily to keep it afloat.

I am thankful for the news that reminds me just how good I have it and how lucky I am, the 

government for keeping me safe, the veterans who fight for my freedom.

I am thankful for the little things; diet coke, saltwater taffy, dominoes pizza. family walks on the blvd, 

bike rides at lagoon, swimming. Tropical vacations. Snuggling in bed on the weekend. A hot fire, A good book. A hug from carter. A morning smile from Riley.

Most of all, I am thankful for life and the opportunity to live it!

How long?

Wow, I know it has been forever.  A whole football season has come and gone, half of summer and we are starting winter; 30 inches of snow this last weekend.

I don't even know how to play catch up, so I won't!  I will just start and by start I am going to tell you about our new blessing; cheesy I know, but she is:

I know it is completely cheesy to say she is a blessing, but;

Erik and I were out on a date, we had to get gas so we headed to costco.  As we drove thru the parking lot we came across a car with puppies for sale.  We stopped!  Now, people stopping to see puppies is no big surprise, but me and Erik stopping is a huge deal.  I knew we were in trouble when we got out to see the puppies and the one puppy that was left was curled up in the back of the car staring at us, she just laid there.  She didn't even get up to greet us, the mom had to send her son into the car to pick her up and bring her to us.  As one typically would with a puppy, you ooo and aaaa as you look at them, that is exactly what we did.  Then we put her down and went on our date.  Now, what was different than a typical puppy encounter for us, is that I went home and researched yorkies.  I was looking for the "cons", I knew the "pro's" she was cute!  But what are the cons?  Yorkies are mousers, this did not help our cause, we have a mouse problem and  have been thinking about getting a cat to help out.  Yorkies are loyal, snuggly, and good with older kids.

No matter how I tried to talk myself out of this dog, I just couldn't do it.  Every time I tried to stop thinking about her I started again.  It was a nasty cycle.  Erik suggested we take the boys down to see her.  So, we did just that.  On a Sunday afternoon in September we headed to their house.  As soon as we walked in the door, I knew I was hooked.  Chloe walked up to us, sniffed us then went and layed in her kennel.

As we sat and talked with the breeders, I was shocked at the questions that Erik was asking.  He is my rock, he is the one who always says NO.  If he says YES, then we have a dog.  WHOA!

Next thing I know he hands over a wad of cash that I didn't even know that he had.  I was shocked!

Well, the rest is history.  We love her, she is amazing.  She is calm, loving, fun, playful.  She is everything that we need when we need it.  She has brought us closer as a family.

So, I feel like I have a baby.  I don't get anything done.  My house isn't as clean as it should be and I have to wake up early.  But, we have this life that depends on us.  She makes us smile and laugh.  she also frieks us out a bit; but, she IS amazing!

This is Chloe, Tipton #5

Who doesn't like hugging?

I hate hugging, even as a little girl I hated hugging.  I did not grow up in a touchy feely family, we did not grow up hugging each other every time we greeted each other, we didn't even hug when one of us would leave for an extended amount of time.  

We didn't hug, I don't like hugging.  When I started dating Erik I remember the first time I went to his home, we weren't even seriously dating; just dating.  When we arrived I saw what was happening; everyone was lining up for their hugs.  I on the other hand backed away, I got this nervous/nauseous ache in my gut as I watched them make their way to me.  I took another step back, my hands started to sweat; I was way out of my comfort zone.  I got out of the hug!  As we departed from that visit the hugging circle happened again; I avoided it again.

The first time Erik and I visited as a married couple I remember being so nervous as we arrived that I was getting a headache.  We got out of the car, I TRIED to avoid the hug.  Erik noticed me stepping back, he whispered in my ear, " this is my family, we are huggers; you will hug all of them."  OUCH.  So one by one I hugged, I hated it.  So much so that I remember crying that night.  My feelings toward hugging have nothing to do with my feelings towards Eriks family; I just don't enjoy hugging.

I still don't hug my own dad who I love more than life itself.  In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times I have hugged him and told him face to face that I love him.  This isn't weird or odd, it's not rude; he knows I love him.  We just don't show our love like that.  I hug my mom a little more than my dad, but not a lot.  We are not huggers!!

Now, fast forward 14 years.  Enter family reunion, Tipton's are pulling up and getting out of their cars.  My stomach knots a little.  Not as bad as it used to, but bad enough that I try to avoid the first hug session.  I never get away with it!  Regardless of my feelings I am forced into yet another hug session. If I don't participate in this hugging experience I get scowled at and Erik is asked later what is wrong with me.  If I don't hug at this first greeting, Erik and I start to fight.  We only fight once a year; this is when we usually start.  So, I hug; but it is never right.  I keep my body too far away, or I pat my hands too much, I let go too quickly, or I miss someone.  Even though I have stepped far out of my comfort zone.  Even though I hate that I am being forced to do something that I am highly uncomfortable with; I do it.  I do however usually manage to get out of the good bye hugs, I just sneak away early; phew!

I have been doing it for 14 years.  My family knows that I don't hug, my friends know that my comfort zone is two arms lengths from my body, even strangers at the gym have figured this out; they all respect it too.  But, for my husband because I love him; I hug his family.  I even try to smile while I do it.  Although the hugging is never good enough, and I almost always get in trouble for somehow doing it wrong.  I still try, I  put forth the effort.  Instead of taking a step back, I take a step forward; and I hug.  Maybe one day I will like it..................nah, probably not; but for him I will continue to be uncomfortable!

Summer parenting!

YIKES

It sucks, sorry it does.  At ten years old they don't really care about spending time with me.  They don't want to do any of the fun summer things that we used to do.  They want to play with friends, and NOT do chores.  That is it!  So if they are not playing, they are fighting, and if they aren't fighting they are trashing my house.

Everyday I am amazed how I can have two boys born at the exact same time, raised the exact same way and have them be so different.  I know that we are all individuals.  I know I am nothing like my brothers and Erik is nothing like his.  But, you would think that I have taught them the same work ethic(or not), the same level of respect to others( or not), and how to be obedient(or not).  So, how is it that I can have one that is a hard worker, very respectful, and completely obedient; then have another that I have to fight on everything.  I am at a loss.............

I have never REALLY had to put my kids in timeout, typically a stern look will get them to behave appropriately.  But, at nearly 11 years old I am throwing one on the bathroom floor into timeout.  I believe I would spank him if he didn't act like he liked it so much(I am a little concerned with that).

I am nervous and worried about the future years and how much I am going to screw up my kids.  It is stressing me out.  Do we give them too much, do we not discipline enough, do we not spend enough time together as a family,  is there too much t.v. watching, too much video games,  too much junk food, not enough vegetables,  are their friends good influence, have we taught them to serve others, have we taught them to love others more than themselves, are we teaching them to work for what they want, teaching them to try, teaching them to fail...........................ah to fail.  So hard to teach your kids to fail in a society where every child gets a trophy!

I know it has always been hard to be a parent, I am not saying it is any harder now than it was 30, 50, or 100 years ago.  But, I wasn't a parent 100 years ago.  I hate knowing that it is me that is going to screw them up.  I hate falling asleep every night saying to myself, "well, that was another sucky day; I should've done this instead of that.  I should've said this instead of that."  I HATE REGRET, and I have had a lot of it lately.

All of what I have just said but worse plays over and over in my head.  But then, after a night of teaching and me playing softball;  another regret, I should have stayed home with the kids and the husband.  So, after 2 hours of selfish time; I started driving home with Carter in the car.  Driving down Main in Bountiful, we got just past 9th north when I saw a tiny little boy on his scooter waiting to cross the street.  I couldn't believe my eyes, he was probably 3 years old.  I drove by, and just as I looked in my rear view mirror he went to step out into traffic to cross.  I slammed my truck into reverse, parked, got out and ran.   Me stopping traffic,  approaching the little boy in the middle of busy Main.  As the two of us started walking back to his house, he crashes on his scooter.  I scoop him up and we keep walking, one full city block; he, at three years old was over a block from his home and crossing a VERY busy street.  I am holding him as we approach his home and I am looking at him.  His knees have old scars, old scabs, and fresh blood.  He has a filthy face, filthy hair, and disgusting clothes.  I can't help but wonder if his mother has even looked at him today.  We approached the home; the door was open, items littered the floor.  It was disgusting, unlivable in my opinion.  As I poked my head in yelling, "hello, I found this little guy down crossing Main".  I saw the parents sitting on the couch watching t.v.  WOW,  the dad was embarrassed and couldn't believe he had gone so far.  I left not saying much and started walking toward my truck.


I am sure they love their child as much as I do mine, I am sure they are providing the best they can.  I know that not everyone keeps their home clean and makes it a priority.  As I am putting my kids to bed that night.  Massaging each of them for 10 minutes because that is their reward if they are in bed before 10 without being asked.  I couldn't help but think, maybe I am doing ok.  As much as they drive me nuts, as much yelling and fighting that goes on.  As frustrated as I get.  As un-loved and un-needed as I feel as a wife and a mother.  At least my three boys know that I love them.  They all know that I am here when they need me, and that I will do anything for them.

So, I will keep plugging away.  One day at a time.  Treading water and trying to keep from drowning in this crazy life that we are living.  I am sure it will get harder before it gets easier, and I probably will fail at a lot of things.  But, as long as I am trying that is all that I can do!

Understanding CrossFit

It is occupying so much of my life lately I can't help but try to explain it a little better.

CROSSFIT
Constantly varied
High Intensity
Functional movement

The program delivers a fitness that is, by design, broad, general, and inclusive.  Crossfits specialty is NOT specializing.  We go in to a wod(work out of the day) ready for anything, and with the mindset that nothing should stop us.  Wind, snow, sleet, rain, heat; we go!

The CrossFit program is designed for scalability making it possible for anyone; from the Elite athlete, the house mom down the street, or the grandpa from next door!

Now that that is out of the way:

Everyone has been hearing a lot about crossfit since the games last year, Reebok picked them up, advertising started, and it seems that CrossFit has become a common household name; I know it has in ours.  

About three years ago I found myself dragging thru my normal workouts, I was bored with lifting weights.  I had been doing it for so long that I felt like I wasn't getting results anymore.  I didn't even want to lift which was odd seeings how I was so passionate about it.  I needed a change.  

My friend Kathy had left the gym and started training out of her sisters basement, I saw people coming into the gym who had been training with her and their bodies were changing drastically.  I knew I needed to know what she was doing.  It was hard for me to call another personal trainer and say hey, I suck, I can't get myself into the shape I want; would you train me.  Because Kathy is the nicest person in the world she made dialing her phone number the hardest part; the conversation was easy.

Kathy and Liz were doing CrossFit in her basement, it shocked me a little.  I didn't like having my Ass handed to me every time I worked out, I thought I was stronger than that.  What I did like is being pushed, being challenged, and having butterflies in my stomach for 30 minutes before my wod like I used to.  

After a few months of training in their basement Kat told me they were going to open a CrossFit, she wanted me to get certified so that I could help out when needed.  I jumped at the opportunity, not an opportunity to make money or have a "job" but the opportunity to change myself and become a better person.

17 months later here we are

The CrossFit games started 4 weeks ago,  I train like an athlete but am in no way one.  I put in the time, and then some.  Just because I train like one does not mean I would enter the games......EVER.  But I did!  Kathy didn't give me a choice, she said that I needed the games to push me to try things that I wasn't trying.  More important I needed the games to help me "feel" what the community of CrossFit was all about.

The community of CrossFit is why I am writing this.  Crossfit has this thing, an energy, a feeling, a passion.  It is the only place you can go on a daily basis and experience so many emotions.  You always fear the box(crossfit), you fear the wod, you fear the bar.  You fear movements you wish you could do but don't think you can.  You fear getting hurt, you fear peeing your pants while jumping onto a box or trying a double under.  But that fear isn't going to keep us from going to the Box.  The people who are there, at any box, in any city, state, or country; the people who are there know how hard it is and know how rewarding it is to try.  That is why we go, the people; they give us the drive to try, and maybe fail.  It is the only time in our life that it feels okay to fail at something.  What is cool is that we don't always fail and that keeps us coming back for more.  We come back because the last time we tried to back squat 200 pounds five times you got it and it felt so good that we want to try for more.  We come back because 2 months ago we couldn't snatch a training bar, but last night you got 75 pounds.  It's amazing

So, what happens is we get so excited about what is happening for that one little hour a day.  We are learning and growing so much that we talk about it.  We come home and tell our spouses, we facebook our progress, we try and show you what we can do.  It isn't meant to be braggy or arrogant trust me, because no matter what WE are doing; somebody else, at some other box in some other country is doing it a lot better.  We are telling you because we want to share with you the excitement that we are feeling.  It is like when a child goes poo in the toilet for the first time, they tell everyone because they are so excited.  Everyone doesn't really want to know, but EVERYONE pretends to be excited for the sake of the child.

The Community of CrossFit is a wonderful thing, it will never take place of my family.  It does however offer me something that I can't get anywhere else.  A sense of belonging, a sense of accomplishment; something that you don't get a lot of as an adult and especially as a stay at home mom.  

There are two weeks left in the Crossfit open, two more workouts that will challenge me and make me a better person.  I knew when I entered the games I wasn't competing to WIN, I was competing to CHANGE.  I was competing to push myself to try new things, and I did.

NewPort Beach

We had the opportunity to go to Newport beach for a week, of course we couldn't pass it by.  Because the trip was so spontaneous and such a great deal we wanted to try and spend as little money as possible; so we drove, YIKES.  It is a WAY long drive.  But, the gas is free and the bubbas were amazing.  

We stayed in a 2 bedroom condo at the Mariott Villas, it is an amazing resort; if the price was right it would be a kick trash family reunion.  The weather was just about perfect, a little chilly near the ocean but bikini worthy while poolside.

We chose to lay low for the most part, the only thing that we chose to do was drive up to Universal studios for a few hours one day, it was an absolute blast.  Because it was the off season there was no one there.  Most rides we were the only people on them and there was never any line.  

We couldn't be so close to San Gabriel and not go see Grandma Bonham.  After finishing our day at Universal we took a short drive over to where she is being cared for.  How great it was to see her, how special for the boys to be able to see her.  She was asleep when we arrived(at 6:30) so we woke her.  She seemed very pleased to see us, even more so to see the boys.  Her eyes lit up when she saw them, I am sure she doesn't know who they are but you could tell that she knew they were somebody special, she was so happy to be in the company of kids.  I didn't know Grandma B very well but from the way she looked at the boys I am sure that she loved children and that they hold a special place in her heart.   I realize that when she woke the next morning she probably didn't remember us being there, but I hope that maybe she felt at peace as she slept and when she woke in the morning.  I know seeing her meant a lot to Erik, and hopefully was something that the boys will never forget.

All in all the mini-vaca was a good one, it reminds us why we all love each other and how well we get along when the responsibilities of life aren't there to weigh us down and stress us out.  Here are a few pictures of us at the beach and Universal!  I hope you enjoy.

35 years

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted, I couldn't log in and had to go thru all of this garbage to do so!

With that said, today is my 35 birthday!  Where do I go from here?  No really, where do I go?

The boys had to interview me for a school project yesterday.  What great timing it was.  The questions were on the topic of my life.  What was your goal in life when you were younger?  What did you want to be when you grew up?  What is your biggest accomplishment?  What is the hardest thing you have ever done?  What is the most embarrassing?  What is the best day of your life.

The list went on for three pages, Carter and Riley both had to fill out the paper so they would take turns asking me the questions.  I don't think they really liked my answers,  I also think they were very surprised by them.

What did you want to be when you grew up?  I wanted to be a wife, and a mom!  That is it!  They didn't believe me, I told them they could call my mom and ask her, that is all I ever wanted to be.  I just had to pray that I would meet a man that wanted a wife and a mother for a constant companion.

What is your biggest accomplishment?  Giving birth to and raising twins!  Again they didn't believe me and asked if they could just write Crossfit instead, it sounded cooler.

The questions went on and all of the answers revolved around the boys and Erik, even my most embarrassing moment:
I was holding both of them in the farmington pool when they were just babies, one of their little piggies untied my string bikini  and it dropped to the bottom of the pool.  If I let go of them to get it they would drown.  I had to shimmy my way to the shallow end where I could set them down then proceed to pull up my pants.  I am sure that not even the lifeguard saw but it still tops the most embarrassing list!

So, at 35 years old where do I go from here.  I am still so young, yet I have accomplished all I have ever wanted to.  Where I am now is exactly where I wanted to be at 35; minus 2 kids but that is okay.  So where do I go.  It is time to set some new goals, and dream up some new dreams.  I am sure that most of them will still be centered around my 3 boys, keeping them happy and healthy.  But, some new ones need to be thought up.

I love 35, I love that I know who I am and I am at peace with me.  I love my wonderful, handsome husband and my two energetic crazy ten year old boys.  I love every person in my family and the crazy dynamic they add to my life; lets be honest if it weren't for all the crazy brother and sister in laws what would Erik and I talk about while lying in bed at night.  I love my home, my neighborhood, and the people that I train with every day, those people keep me striving to be better and work harder.  I love that I have no debt; I know that sounds dumb but how many 35 year olds can say that, if it weren't for Erik I would be dressed to the 9's and up to my ears in credit card debt.  Which brings me to the last thing, I love that just in the last month I am peace with who I am, that I am not the Jone's, or the Smith's or the Johnsons's or anyone else.  I am a Tipton, being a Tipton I know exactly who I am, where I stand, and where I am going.

Happy 35th Birthday to me.